Finding Your Tribe

I’m not one of those mums. You know, the coffee shop mum (I like to have my coffee shop trips as solo trips and read a book in peace), or the baby classes mum (baby sensory and Jo Jingles are still something I’ve never experienced), Instagram mum (I have Instagram but mine is messy and not like THOSE ones) or even PTA mum (there is no way I’m organised enough to facilitate anything admin related!).

In fact, when I became a mum, I didn’t really want any mum friends. The idea of a mum ‘tribe’ filled me with dread. I had plenty of friends. In fact, I had enough friends that I struggled to keep up with them – a few from school, a few from uni, a few from church, a few from work. And I love deep conversations. Love nothing better than a good ethical debate, or theological discussion. Where would mum friends fit in?

And sure enough I spent Daniel’s early year or so to myself. I love my own company and was happy pottering about the place with him, attending his many appointments and meeting up with my existing friends. I went to a mums and tots group twice and found it so unpleasant I vowed never to return. I tried a baby class and was so BORED by the chat (‘Are you feeding them yourself?’ / ‘Do they sleep for you?’ being the classic two questions) that I didn’t sign up for the second set.

By the time I was pregnant with Number 2 we knew Daniel needed to start spending time with other pre-schoolers (our closest friends had either babies or primary age children) and once baby Rory had arrived, I reluctantly started the ‘circuit’ – toddler classes, mums and tots groups and the park.

It didn’t start out on a trail for my ‘tribe’. I certainly wasn’t looking a new best friend, but these groups can be lonely if you don’t have anyone to talk to. I just wanted a companion, a mum who shared enough interests with me that we could chat about something other than how much sleep we had last night.

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This post featured as a guest post on Have You Seen That Girl?